How to be a genius

"Genius comes from learning how to teach yourself the skills you need to succeed." -- Everett Bogue

Too much guys are focused on searching and ammassing information rather than on really learning (I was one of them). When you collect ebook, DVDs and seminars you are not really learning. Real learning comes from applying what you see, read and hear. True knowledge is information + experience.

All too often, when someone is confused or clueless he starts searching for the magic bullett or the supreme and infallible guru. Too often when some guy is confused, he tries to learn some more:

"I only need some more informations and I'll be on my way to Mastery!"

Result: even more confusion. And so a new KJ is born.

No, it doesn't have to be that way. All you need is some good information and maybe a little guidance, but real learning comes from applying that informations (about foundamentals), analyzing and adjusting your approach for solving a real problem. In other words, experience-oriented learning with the proper self-awareness.

My suggestion: when you are confused, STOP and think where you are, what your context is and what is your problem. THIS is how you reach mastery and really learn, not by blindly following someone else's directions. Always start with the problem and work your way through he solution using your brain first, not the other way around. Real spontaneity, knowledge and confidence comes from forging and applying your own judgment in the here and now.

The key to be a genius is effective self-learning by really using your brain and creating true knowledge through experience. Using your own judgement and problem-solving skills is KEY, ad I'm discovering in this days.

PS: HBWaitress from the last day has a boyfriend (or she wasn't interested, I heve to work on my first impression, body language and co.). NEXT!

How to overcome a breakup

I feel like the world is my hunting reserve. I look around me and I see beautiful woman everywhere. I imagine and feel that I can have at least some of them.

How I survived my breakup? There are several factors:

• The relationship was already stale for several months.
• I wasn't happy with her anymore because she was more and more distant.
• She repeatedly mistreated me.
• I deliberately chose to look around me and really see the beautiful girls around me. It worked quite well.

Now my mindset is: I'm fine, I appreciate beauty and I am curious to to meet new women and find out which one of them is a good catch for me. I refused to surrend to pessimism -despite having some quite negative friends in my social circle- and seeked the positive. Because you will find and see only what is already in your eyes.

So, after my experience with this breakup here is my recipe to overcome a breakup:

• Give yourself some time to really cope with this. Don't deny what's happened, accept it and move on. Pick a calendar and give yourself, for example, one week. Consider this a vacation from her and girls in general. Feel free to think about her and to cry alone in the night under the rain, whatever. But after this "mourning", WAKE UP!!
• During the "mourning" you probably will be a little depressed and you will feel a failure. Don't beat up yourself, it's completely normal. Yes, it's over, but 99% of the times it's NOT only your fault. A relationship is a dynamic between TWO people, not one.
• Become a YES man. Seek the support of your friends and relatives, and go out with them every time they invite you -and they will, I assure you, if you tell them what are you going through-. Even if more than likely you won't feel like going out. But this will help you a lot, believe me! Only be sure not to whine all night, and instead try to be in the moment and NOT think about the breakup. This will feel hard and unnatural at first, but keep trying. It'll be more than worth it!
• Look around you and really see and appreciate the fantastic girls all around you. They are more than likely much better and much more compatible with you than your ex-girlfriend. And you can have them.

PS: This is a post that I've written in a rush of inspiration and introspection. I've decided to post it nearly unedited instead of seeking perfection. Adjustments and refinements (of my skills and knowledge) will follow day after day. I'm back, and I want to rock!

What self-respect is

I've dumped my girfriend.

It wasn't easy, but I couldn't keep to suffer because of her behaviour. She was acting distant and indifferent toward me, for two months now.

There are a lot of reasons to that that are outside my control, but basically I think she's not so attracted to me anymore. In fact, if you threaten your girlfriend telling her: "call me today before 18:00pm or it's over" and she FORGET to call you than there is something seriously wrong here... So I dumped her.

However, I still managed to give away my power EVEN AFTER DUMPING HER! She wanted to speak with me so we meeted yesterday. In my mind our relationship was already over and I've let her go so I was very calm and not angry anymore. I drive to her home and speak for over an hour, calmly saying something along the lines of: "you have disrespected me and my time, showing no interest for me and repeatedly ignored my emotions with an incredible selfishness... but IF YOU CHANGE there is still a chance." Back then it seemed a good idea: displaying emotional stability and willingness to forgive.

But maybe it was only a demostration of weakness, and a lack of self-respect. I don't know. I've realized, thanks to my (female) friend ("you have given her another chance? why??"), what self-respect is and I'm going to share that with you:

Self-respect is all about having certain well defined rules of behaviour, and you don't forgive who break them. Otherwise, you are a victim and give up all the power over the relationship to another person: then you feel powerless, a puppet in the hands of someone else.

I was a puppet, and I chosed myself this role by acting guided by my fear of losing her, without respect for me and my own time.

No more! Now I'm free, armed with new experience and dangerous :) I still have a long way to go, but I'll walk with my head up from now on.

If she's holding back sex...

When she is holding back sex, it can means basically one of two things:

1. she has other worries outside the relationships that she needs to address
2. she's not so attracted to you anymore

In either case, pushing her is the wrong thing to do. If she isn't in the mood, whatever the reason, trying to force her will only push her away from you even more.

If you want to unlock her sexual desires, you must work on connection: don't push her to have sex, but don't pretend you don't care either. Tell her what you would like to do to her sexually without shame, but be prepared to connect with her in a different way (cuddle with a movie, give her a massage, walk holding hands, etc).

You don't want to show her that you NEED sex for validation or any other reason. And more so you don't want to FORCE her to have sex (because you need it or it's the "right" thing to do).

"Obligation is the opposite of attraction." --Vin DiCarlo

Show her that you are in control of yourself and don't force her in any way. Don't be ashamed of yours (and hers) sexual desires and talk about them freely in a non-judgemental way, but be also patient and caring. Don't be needy and continue to seduce her like the first day you saw her, being the man that she fallen in love with.

This is something that you can "fake it 'til you make it": even if you feel needy, act as you are actually confident and when she will give herself to you again you will have proved to yourself that being confident actually works. And when something works, you feel doing it more and more.

And when you two (or three :-) will enjoy again the pleasures of sex (if you remain calm, it'll be sooner than you think), make it a joyful experience. Be confident, take your pleasure from her body without embarassement: she is eager to please you. But don't forget to give her all yourself too.

Remember: it's more important what she does than what she says. Observe the situation and make your decisions based on what you see. When you feel she is ready, take the lead and guide her to the bed.

Life is strange

It's saturday night and I'm sitting home waiting for my girlfriend to call me. Yeah, because it turns out that she's really illed, and if she'll be ok later we'll meet at her home.

When it comes to thoughts, if you are equipped with negative beliefs and emotional you can't trust them. It's tough because it seems that you can't trust your own judgement. But as you already know, you already have this best judgment into you, you only need to LISTEN to it and be willing to do the right thing. Trust the "Man voice" in your head.

In summary: your views of the world are filtered and shaped by your thoughts and beliefs. If your beliefs are wrong, you will repeatedly observe that in a lot of situations you simply misunderstand what happens to you. You can get angry or needy when there isn't any reason. And if you are not careful you can ruin all you have done with a particular chick and lose her.


"What? You were out to pick some medications for you? I believed... I was thinking... oooh how stupid I am!" And when things like that happens again and again you really begin to feel stupid.

It's not easy because you feel without control, a victim of your mind. Well, not neccessarily. You can gain control by focusing on the right things and cultivating positive (and more true) beliefs. How? Simple: meditation and CBT. Warning: simple, not easy!

Listen to the Man in you

When, after 1 MONTH of abstinece and barely seeing each other, your girlfriend say: "I'm a bit ill, and I don't feel like having sex" this is a signal that there is something wrong going on. A flashy signal big like a building.

She is distant and doesn't want to talk about meeting later. You feel bad, betrayed, resentful and scared of losing her. What's the right thing to do? Getting clingy and needy, calling her and praying that she go out with you because it's not "right" if she doesn't fulfill her duty as a girlfriend? Or perhaps stay calm and say something like this: "Clearly you need to think about our relationship. Call me when you will have make up your mind, and if I'm still free we'll hang out and be happy again."?

I don't need to say (I hope) that the second option is the way to go. But if you still have a hard time doing it ("It's simply not right, she is disrespecting me, she is supposed to hang out with me because she is my girlfriend...") think about it this way:

You clearly have two voices in your head: the Loser (the nice guy that is scared like hell of losing her and angry because after all that he has done to her she is still holding back sex) and the Man (he is the one that knows how to behave, the one that is calm, has respect for himself and understand that he is better alone that in a poisonous relationship). And you have the choice to listen to who you want. You can decide to listen to Loser and BE a loser, or listen to the Man in you and making the right choice.

It's a matter of taking into consideration your self-respect and to willingly sacrifice a short term gain for a long-term one.

Do you like her? Do you want to save the relationship? Then don't think about her too much and make some space between you two. Show her that you are willing to walk away, enough mature and emotionally stable to not freaking out. Let her go, and she'll return.

It's difficult, but if you don't do that, you'll be again single very very soon.

PS:
There is something cathartic with writing your situation and analyzing it with your "Man" hat on your head.

Who the hell is Sawyer?

I suppose the first post of every blog should be a greeting and a presentation of the blogger and the blog itself.

Well, I guess a little of background could be useful. I'm a european man (so be gentle with my english) in his twenties. And I'm a recovering nice guy. This blog will contain, among the other things: rants, ramblings, tons of spelling and grammar errors, and occasionally some insights on seduction and personal development.

I'll not hold back anything (thanks anonymity!): there here you will find rough language and pro-man talk (pro-man doesn't mean anti-woman, keep that in mind), so if you don't like it this is not the blog for you.

The mission statement of this blog will be: I want, once and for all, clear my mind from all the shit that I've accumulated and finally be free of being who I am without all the fears, negative beliefs and cognitive biases that hold me back. I want to believe in me, in my skills, attractiveness and ability to obtain some pussy. I don't want to fear loneliness anymore, and I want to finally become who I've always been...

I'm also interested in psychology. I'm what you can call a "smart guy" (or a geek for the rest of us) that is usually busy thinking too much. So there will be a lot of mind-related posts and, of course, mental masturbations...

BTW, Sawyer is the famous character of Lost: the classic "jerk". For more on my alter-ego, look his page.

DISCLAIMENT
I'm NOT a guru or an expert of any kind (not in seduction anyway). I'm someone that is trying to do his best to be finally happy about himself and his relationships. 

I write like I'm preaching only because the better way to make up your mind and learn something is to teach it to someone. So this is my humble attempt to learn how to set me free from my self-limiting habits and uncover my true nature.