Thursday, October 1, 2009

How to learn seduction

With all the material that you can find online (and offline), studying seduction could be overwhelming. So much that there is a real potential problem here.

If you read tons of material but never go out and actually practice what you read, you know a lot of (useless) theory. When you have too much ideas in your head you fall prey of paralysis-by-analysis: when you finally try to use what you know, too much (even contrasting) ideas comes to your mind and you freeze because you can't decide what's the right thing to do. There isn't any automatic and instinctual behavioural response that you have ingrained into yourself by practicing it over time.

You can be in danger if you are:
  • a "smart" guy that likes pretty theories and mental models
  • so scared of going out and expand your comfort-zone that you trick yourself to NOT doing it: "I will study for a couple of months before". But as you can guess, that two months can become much more than 60 days...
Most of the time, it is a combination of the two.

The problem is that if you are scared of practicing this stuff, you feel anxiety (mental discomfort) and when you postpone the practice you feel relief. Because of that relief your brain reinforces this response and the next time you will be more likely to postpone even more (hey, I feel relieved! So postponing that is good, let's do more of it!). You must be willing to trade a little of anxiety now for a long term benefit.

The best approach
The best approach is to read a little that is relevant to your situation and your problems and practice it. Then read a little more and practice even more. Deliberate practice is essential to master every skill.

For more on how to learn effectively seduction, see BradP's report.

My suggestions are:
  1. Identify what's your problem (AA? Connection? Conversation? Escalation?)
  2. Find good informations about it
  3. Read (a little) and come up, for every article, with an action list detailing how you will use that information the next time you'll go out.
The last step is very important. Seduction material is NOT for fun, it's for LEARNING.

Remeber: keep your focus on the outcome (becoming an attractive man), start from a real problem you are experiencing, then find a solution to it and practice!

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