I've dumped my girfriend.
It wasn't easy, but I couldn't keep to suffer because of her behaviour. She was acting distant and indifferent toward me, for two months now.
There are a lot of reasons to that that are outside my control, but basically I think she's not so attracted to me anymore. In fact, if you threaten your girlfriend telling her: "call me today before 18:00pm or it's over" and she FORGET to call you than there is something seriously wrong here... So I dumped her.
However, I still managed to give away my power EVEN AFTER DUMPING HER! She wanted to speak with me so we meeted yesterday. In my mind our relationship was already over and I've let her go so I was very calm and not angry anymore. I drive to her home and speak for over an hour, calmly saying something along the lines of: "you have disrespected me and my time, showing no interest for me and repeatedly ignored my emotions with an incredible selfishness... but IF YOU CHANGE there is still a chance." Back then it seemed a good idea: displaying emotional stability and willingness to forgive.
But maybe it was only a demostration of weakness, and a lack of self-respect. I don't know. I've realized, thanks to my (female) friend ("you have given her another chance? why??"), what self-respect is and I'm going to share that with you:
Self-respect is all about having certain well defined rules of behaviour, and you don't forgive who break them. Otherwise, you are a victim and give up all the power over the relationship to another person: then you feel powerless, a puppet in the hands of someone else.
I was a puppet, and I chosed myself this role by acting guided by my fear of losing her, without respect for me and my own time.
No more! Now I'm free, armed with new experience and dangerous :) I still have a long way to go, but I'll walk with my head up from now on.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
How to learn seduction
With all the material that you can find online (and offline), studying seduction could be overwhelming. So much that there is a real potential problem here.
If you read tons of material but never go out and actually practice what you read, you know a lot of (useless) theory. When you have too much ideas in your head you fall prey of paralysis-by-analysis: when you finally try to use what you know, too much (even contrasting) ideas comes to your mind and you freeze because you can't decide what's the right thing to do. There isn't any automatic and instinctual behavioural response that you have ingrained into yourself by practicing it over time.
You can be in danger if you are:
The problem is that if you are scared of practicing this stuff, you feel anxiety (mental discomfort) and when you postpone the practice you feel relief. Because of that relief your brain reinforces this response and the next time you will be more likely to postpone even more (hey, I feel relieved! So postponing that is good, let's do more of it!). You must be willing to trade a little of anxiety now for a long term benefit.
The best approach
The best approach is to read a little that is relevant to your situation and your problems and practice it. Then read a little more and practice even more. Deliberate practice is essential to master every skill.
For more on how to learn effectively seduction, see BradP's report.
My suggestions are:
Remeber: keep your focus on the outcome (becoming an attractive man), start from a real problem you are experiencing, then find a solution to it and practice!
If you read tons of material but never go out and actually practice what you read, you know a lot of (useless) theory. When you have too much ideas in your head you fall prey of paralysis-by-analysis: when you finally try to use what you know, too much (even contrasting) ideas comes to your mind and you freeze because you can't decide what's the right thing to do. There isn't any automatic and instinctual behavioural response that you have ingrained into yourself by practicing it over time.
You can be in danger if you are:
- a "smart" guy that likes pretty theories and mental models
- so scared of going out and expand your comfort-zone that you trick yourself to NOT doing it: "I will study for a couple of months before". But as you can guess, that two months can become much more than 60 days...
The problem is that if you are scared of practicing this stuff, you feel anxiety (mental discomfort) and when you postpone the practice you feel relief. Because of that relief your brain reinforces this response and the next time you will be more likely to postpone even more (hey, I feel relieved! So postponing that is good, let's do more of it!). You must be willing to trade a little of anxiety now for a long term benefit.
The best approach
The best approach is to read a little that is relevant to your situation and your problems and practice it. Then read a little more and practice even more. Deliberate practice is essential to master every skill.
For more on how to learn effectively seduction, see BradP's report.
My suggestions are:
- Identify what's your problem (AA? Connection? Conversation? Escalation?)
- Find good informations about it
- Read (a little) and come up, for every article, with an action list detailing how you will use that information the next time you'll go out.
Remeber: keep your focus on the outcome (becoming an attractive man), start from a real problem you are experiencing, then find a solution to it and practice!
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