How to be a genius

"Genius comes from learning how to teach yourself the skills you need to succeed." -- Everett Bogue

Too much guys are focused on searching and ammassing information rather than on really learning (I was one of them). When you collect ebook, DVDs and seminars you are not really learning. Real learning comes from applying what you see, read and hear. True knowledge is information + experience.

All too often, when someone is confused or clueless he starts searching for the magic bullett or the supreme and infallible guru. Too often when some guy is confused, he tries to learn some more:

"I only need some more informations and I'll be on my way to Mastery!"

Result: even more confusion. And so a new KJ is born.

No, it doesn't have to be that way. All you need is some good information and maybe a little guidance, but real learning comes from applying that informations (about foundamentals), analyzing and adjusting your approach for solving a real problem. In other words, experience-oriented learning with the proper self-awareness.

My suggestion: when you are confused, STOP and think where you are, what your context is and what is your problem. THIS is how you reach mastery and really learn, not by blindly following someone else's directions. Always start with the problem and work your way through he solution using your brain first, not the other way around. Real spontaneity, knowledge and confidence comes from forging and applying your own judgment in the here and now.

The key to be a genius is effective self-learning by really using your brain and creating true knowledge through experience. Using your own judgement and problem-solving skills is KEY, ad I'm discovering in this days.

PS: HBWaitress from the last day has a boyfriend (or she wasn't interested, I heve to work on my first impression, body language and co.). NEXT!

Daygame: Waitress Approached!

I had two approaches in mind for today: a new cute and a bit shy waitress in a local restaurant in which I and my colleagues usually go for lunch (we'll call her HBWaitress) and a gorgeous girl that I regularly see at my bus stop (she'll be HBBus).

My problem was precisely opening: I didn't know what to do to open a conversation. I've noticed that when a good situation for an approach presents itself, my mind goes literarly blank. Not good. Mix this with the wealth of information (sometimes contradicting) out there on approaching and daygame, and you have a completely clueless guy standing like an idiot trying to find his way through his anxiety and confusion...

So I sit down and really used MY brain to find a way to approach them. I read one very good article on daygame that really "clicked" for me, planned how to open both HBWaitress and HBBus, how to follow up and how to close, and I was well on my way to success. And it was a success.

I only managed to approach HBWaitress. BTW, it was logistically HARD. She is a new waitress without experience, all running around a crowded bar trying her best to serve everyone. Still, I managed to open her just before leaving. It was a flash interaction (no more that a minute), but now at least I know her name (and she knows mine). Nice! Having something to say ready was a huge help for me: I've been able to concentrate on my body language and tonality, that usually is still not that good. Especially during an approach.

Now I'll continue along this road. For the next days I'll interact with her in a very laid back way, injecting a good amount of teasing and playfulness. Maybe next week I'll suggest a date for a real interaction. And at the same time, I'll not put all my eggs in one basket: I'll keep my eyes open :)

Key Lessons

• Your brain is your primary asset: USE IT. When you feel confused and don't know what to do, don't read too much: just a little bit. Then apply your good sense and your intelligence.


• Having something prepared to say is a HUGE advantage if you go blank just before the approach.


• Mindset: you are fascinated by her. Genuinely and freely express your interest, making compliments, to find out if she is compatible and the two of you can "click". Do it with a relaxed, confident and laid back attitude.


• Don't force the logistics, work with them!

PS-- The usual disclaiment still apply: english is not my mother language and for now I prefer to just write. If I stop to edit, re-edit and refine my posts I'd end up not writing anything. And for now, writing horrible posts is still better than writing nothing.

How to overcome a breakup

I feel like the world is my hunting reserve. I look around me and I see beautiful woman everywhere. I imagine and feel that I can have at least some of them.

How I survived my breakup? There are several factors:

• The relationship was already stale for several months.
• I wasn't happy with her anymore because she was more and more distant.
• She repeatedly mistreated me.
• I deliberately chose to look around me and really see the beautiful girls around me. It worked quite well.

Now my mindset is: I'm fine, I appreciate beauty and I am curious to to meet new women and find out which one of them is a good catch for me. I refused to surrend to pessimism -despite having some quite negative friends in my social circle- and seeked the positive. Because you will find and see only what is already in your eyes.

So, after my experience with this breakup here is my recipe to overcome a breakup:

• Give yourself some time to really cope with this. Don't deny what's happened, accept it and move on. Pick a calendar and give yourself, for example, one week. Consider this a vacation from her and girls in general. Feel free to think about her and to cry alone in the night under the rain, whatever. But after this "mourning", WAKE UP!!
• During the "mourning" you probably will be a little depressed and you will feel a failure. Don't beat up yourself, it's completely normal. Yes, it's over, but 99% of the times it's NOT only your fault. A relationship is a dynamic between TWO people, not one.
• Become a YES man. Seek the support of your friends and relatives, and go out with them every time they invite you -and they will, I assure you, if you tell them what are you going through-. Even if more than likely you won't feel like going out. But this will help you a lot, believe me! Only be sure not to whine all night, and instead try to be in the moment and NOT think about the breakup. This will feel hard and unnatural at first, but keep trying. It'll be more than worth it!
• Look around you and really see and appreciate the fantastic girls all around you. They are more than likely much better and much more compatible with you than your ex-girlfriend. And you can have them.

PS: This is a post that I've written in a rush of inspiration and introspection. I've decided to post it nearly unedited instead of seeking perfection. Adjustments and refinements (of my skills and knowledge) will follow day after day. I'm back, and I want to rock!

What self-respect is

I've dumped my girfriend.

It wasn't easy, but I couldn't keep to suffer because of her behaviour. She was acting distant and indifferent toward me, for two months now.

There are a lot of reasons to that that are outside my control, but basically I think she's not so attracted to me anymore. In fact, if you threaten your girlfriend telling her: "call me today before 18:00pm or it's over" and she FORGET to call you than there is something seriously wrong here... So I dumped her.

However, I still managed to give away my power EVEN AFTER DUMPING HER! She wanted to speak with me so we meeted yesterday. In my mind our relationship was already over and I've let her go so I was very calm and not angry anymore. I drive to her home and speak for over an hour, calmly saying something along the lines of: "you have disrespected me and my time, showing no interest for me and repeatedly ignored my emotions with an incredible selfishness... but IF YOU CHANGE there is still a chance." Back then it seemed a good idea: displaying emotional stability and willingness to forgive.

But maybe it was only a demostration of weakness, and a lack of self-respect. I don't know. I've realized, thanks to my (female) friend ("you have given her another chance? why??"), what self-respect is and I'm going to share that with you:

Self-respect is all about having certain well defined rules of behaviour, and you don't forgive who break them. Otherwise, you are a victim and give up all the power over the relationship to another person: then you feel powerless, a puppet in the hands of someone else.

I was a puppet, and I chosed myself this role by acting guided by my fear of losing her, without respect for me and my own time.

No more! Now I'm free, armed with new experience and dangerous :) I still have a long way to go, but I'll walk with my head up from now on.

How to learn seduction

With all the material that you can find online (and offline), studying seduction could be overwhelming. So much that there is a real potential problem here.

If you read tons of material but never go out and actually practice what you read, you know a lot of (useless) theory. When you have too much ideas in your head you fall prey of paralysis-by-analysis: when you finally try to use what you know, too much (even contrasting) ideas comes to your mind and you freeze because you can't decide what's the right thing to do. There isn't any automatic and instinctual behavioural response that you have ingrained into yourself by practicing it over time.

You can be in danger if you are:

• a "smart" guy that likes pretty theories and mental models
• so scared of going out and expand your comfort-zone that you trick yourself to NOT doing it: "I will study for a couple of months before". But as you can guess, that two months can become much more than 60 days...

Most of the time, it is a combination of the two.

The problem is that if you are scared of practicing this stuff, you feel anxiety (mental discomfort) and when you postpone the practice you feel relief. Because of that relief your brain reinforces this response and the next time you will be more likely to postpone even more (hey, I feel relieved! So postponing that is good, let's do more of it!). You must be willing to trade a little of anxiety now for a long term benefit.

The best approach
The best approach is to read a little that is relevant to your situation and your problems and practice it. Then read a little more and practice even more. Deliberate practice is essential to master every skill.

For more on how to learn effectively seduction, see BradP's report.

My suggestions are:

1. Identify what's your problem (AA? Connection? Conversation? Escalation?)
2. Find good informations about it
3. Read (a little) and come up, for every article, with an action list detailing how you will use that information the next time you'll go out.

The last step is very important. Seduction material is NOT for fun, it's for LEARNING.

Remeber: keep your focus on the outcome (becoming an attractive man), start from a real problem you are experiencing, then find a solution to it and practice!

If she's holding back sex...

When she is holding back sex, it can means basically one of two things:

1. she has other worries outside the relationships that she needs to address
2. she's not so attracted to you anymore

In either case, pushing her is the wrong thing to do. If she isn't in the mood, whatever the reason, trying to force her will only push her away from you even more.

If you want to unlock her sexual desires, you must work on connection: don't push her to have sex, but don't pretend you don't care either. Tell her what you would like to do to her sexually without shame, but be prepared to connect with her in a different way (cuddle with a movie, give her a massage, walk holding hands, etc).

You don't want to show her that you NEED sex for validation or any other reason. And more so you don't want to FORCE her to have sex (because you need it or it's the "right" thing to do).

"Obligation is the opposite of attraction." --Vin DiCarlo

Show her that you are in control of yourself and don't force her in any way. Don't be ashamed of yours (and hers) sexual desires and talk about them freely in a non-judgemental way, but be also patient and caring. Don't be needy and continue to seduce her like the first day you saw her, being the man that she fallen in love with.

This is something that you can "fake it 'til you make it": even if you feel needy, act as you are actually confident and when she will give herself to you again you will have proved to yourself that being confident actually works. And when something works, you feel doing it more and more.

And when you two (or three :-) will enjoy again the pleasures of sex (if you remain calm, it'll be sooner than you think), make it a joyful experience. Be confident, take your pleasure from her body without embarassement: she is eager to please you. But don't forget to give her all yourself too.

Remember: it's more important what she does than what she says. Observe the situation and make your decisions based on what you see. When you feel she is ready, take the lead and guide her to the bed.

Approach Anxiety?

A little bit of anxiety is natural I believe (the adrenaline rush that you CAN begin to love and chase: it's the thrill of the hunt), but too much anxiety is due to wrong beliefs that you hold about yourself, women and the world.

Are you like that?